Bialogue: Bisexual + Queer Politics

Bialogue is an activist/political social justice group working on issues of local, regional, national & international interest that effect the bisexual, non-monosexual, queer-identified and greater LGBTQ+ Community.
Bialogue: Social Justice Warriors and darn proud of it!
Our mission is to dispel myths and stereotypes, to address biphobia homophobia, transphobia and bisexual erasure, to educate the public on the facts and realities of bisexuality, non-monosexuals, queer-identified and all the other not 100% straight and not 100% gay/lesbian people who occupy the vast middle of the Kinsey scale's Bell Curve and to advocate for our Community's right to dignity, freedom to live without the burdens of prejudice and harassment and for our full equality under the law.

Find Bisexuals: in USA on planet earth
Chat with Bisexuals (in the USA)
Bisexual Men on facebook
Bisexual Women on facebook

Bisexual Conferences
   ○ 2012 Transcending Boundaries Conference October 26th-28th 2012 Springfield MA USA
   ○ 2013 Creating Change Conference (CC13) January 23-27 2013 Atlanta GA USA
   ○ BECAUSE 2013 2013 Minneapolis–Saint Paul MN USA
   ○ Bi Lines VI: A Celebration of Bisexual Writing in Reading Music & Culture June 2013 NYC USA
   ○ BiCon 2013 July 18-21 2013 University of Edinburgh Scotland

Bisexual Magazines & Bloggers
      Bi MagazineFacebookTumblr
      Bi MediaFacebook
      Bi Bloggers
      Bi radical (Bisexual-Theory/Queer-Theory) • Tumblr

Famous 'Must-read' Bisexual-Theory/Queer-Theory Articles/Essays
      Bisexuality FAQ
      Bisexuality does not reinforce the gender binary
      Words, binary and biphobia, or: why “bi” is binary but “FTM” is not
      Being Bisexual Means That You’re Only Attracted to Two Genders
      The monosexual privilege checklist
      Why I identify as bisexual + differences and similarities
      Way Beyond the Binary

Bisexuals = people who people of Same Gender as themselves + ♥ people of Different Genders/Gender Presentations from themselves

Posts I Like
Who I Follow
Posts tagged "monosexism"


Most of the posts I put on this blog are encouraging because that’s how I prefer to deal with bisexual erasure, violence, etc. It’s better to focus on the ways to solve issues in a positive manner than dwelling on the negative. But sometimes you have experiences that just leave you seething.

I attended a dinner tonight that was business oriented for a new colleague’s birthday. All those in attendance were self-identified gay men, excluding myself. Five minutes into the dinner, the conversation turns into a discussion of how bisexuality doesn’t exist and that a mutual friend, who was not in attendance, was dating a girl. Comments turned into, “It’s almost sad” because he’s “obviously gay and it’s not going to work but we’ll sit and watch. Poor thing must be so confused. But hey…he’ll figure it out.”

The issue at hand was that all of the (mostly older) gay men in attendance had only known this mutual acquaintance to date other men. However, over the summer he had starting dating another friend who happened to be a woman and he was very excited to start this new relationship.

To question a colleague’s sexuality, especially when they’re not in attendance, is just unacceptable. As this discussion progressed, the same old tired comments about bisexuality came out. “The only bi men I know say that they’re bi but they all lean one way or the other” or “Well…honey….he should just admit it. He’s gay. It’ll be easier.”

My own sexuality was not up for discussion here directly, but it was the same. fucking. erasure. that happens daily for bisexual men. I was so mad that I turned visibly red.

At this point I said something to those at the dinner about how I have a dear, unnamed friend, who is married and loves, LOVES sleeping with his wife but also is allowed to sleep with men and enjoys both thoroughly. This comment got brushed off with someone saying “Oh that’s like my friend _____. He’s gay but he’s married to a woman so they have an open marriage where they both sleep with men on the side,” which completely missed my point and basically suggested my friend had a sham marriage.

How can people in the gay community, especially older members of the gay community, be so ignorant, and frankly asshole-ish about sexualities other than gay or lesbian? When this cohort of gay men were younger being gay was still listed in the DSM-II of Mental Illnesses. You’d think that a group who experienced Stonewall and the first wave of the gay rights movement firsthand would be more open.

And the way that they talked about women. And it’s not just this particular group. We often hear about how straight men are misogynistic. But little discussion, until the past couple years, has occurred talking about how it’s just as bad if not worse among the older gay male cohort. The shit I have heard some gay men (and often older gay men) talk about how “Women are just…ew. Like…don’t they smell and…just ew” and joke after joke suggesting men are obviously superior to women because we have cocks and pronounced pecs and muscle-y thighs, etc. How the fuck do you think you’re around? Those vaginas you find so revolting were somehow involved in you being in existence. And those “floppy boobs” are evolutionarily designed. It’s because of them that you could have the proper nutrition to have the cognitive ability to even have this conversation.

This is not to say you have to like women. You can even be repulsed by their genitalia. But to speak and talk about women as if they’re a different species and portray their own sexual beings as something hideous that should be hidden is simply…misogynistic and a throwback to the 1950s.

But I think the part that angered me the most was that a personal friend of mine was at the table and said nothing. This friend didn’t exactly agree with the comments being made but he also didn’t say anything. He didn’t defend the fact that the man he himself is in love with (also not in attendance) is bisexual. Nor did he do anything to account that his own friend sitting next to him, me, is bisexual and obviously very uncomfortable with the way the discussion was headed. Granted, in a setting such as this it would have put him at odds with his superiors but yet I was in the same position as he was hierarchically-speaking and decided to speak up for myself.

I do not mean this rant to blanket the entire older gay community. Some of my closest allies are gay men that are in the very same age bracket as these men and they have been some of the most supportive and amazing people I have ever met. But it still remains that a large portion continue to perpetuate stereotypes about bisexual men, trans* people, and women that are ridiculous. And in 2014. It is just unacceptable.

So please, followers. Send me some love AND responses. I want to hear your thoughts, even if you think my rant is totally base-less. I want to know what you think.

So let’s see if I understand this.

Basically everyone in the Queer Community can, has and does use the terms “Butch” and "Femme" EXCEPT that bisexual women are not supposed to use the terms because That would be "appropriative of Lesbian Culture"?

(via imfromdriftwood)

  • when I first started this blog: teehee I blog about cute bi stuff hehehe I'm 14 and I like kittens and yayyy bi pride
  • me now: *punches wall* you come into MY HOUSE??!? insult my SEXUALITY!!/!??! MY GENDER??!// bitch it's bout to get real bi pride y'all all up in yo face
This probably sounds stupid, but what does bihet mean? I identify as bisexual, but I've never had it used about me..?
bialogue-group bialogue-group Said:


There are no bad questions! :)

"bihet" is a term typically used to describe bi women. It’s passed off by the people who use it as meaning "bi women who are in straight relationships," however, it’s used as a slur that implies bi women aren’t actually bi, derogatorily referring to bi women as straight and using it as a way to silence our voices.

It’s more often used by lesbian separatist radical feminists, which is why you likely haven’t had it used against you, since you probably don’t know very many in your day-to-day life. I’ve only ever seen it used on the internet.

The institution of heterosexism is based on a mutually exclusive heterosexual/homosexual framework. This heterosexist paradigm posits two sexual orientations on either side of a "fence" that draws the line where privilege begins and ends. Heterosexuals are on the "normal/good" side and homosexuals are on the "abnormal/evil" side. The line separates and protects "us" from "them," while it assures members of each side of what they are not. This line also effectively marginalizes lesbians and gay men as "other" and is the core of homophobia.

Furthermore, lesbian, gay, and heterosexual people are invested, and find a sense of security in being the "other" to each other, and unite in the fact that they are only attracted to either the "same" or the "opposite" gender/sex.

This sets up another "us" vs. "them" dynamic which effectively marginalizes bisexual people as "other." Integral to this dynamic is the automatic assumption people can be defined by the gender/sex of their current or potential romantic interest. For example: two women are assumed to be lesbians in a "lesbian" relationship; two men are assumed to be gay in a "gay" relationship; and a man and woman are assumed to be heterosexual in a "heterosexual" relationship.

However, any, or all of these people could be bisexual. And depending upon monogamy and non-monogamy agreements and choices, any, or all of these folks could have sexual behavior with more than one gender/sex whether they identify as bisexual or not.
What is Heterosexism? from What Does Biphobia Look Like? pub 2014 by LGBT Resource Center UC San Diego


Re: monosexism and biphobia. Do you use these words interchangeably? I notice more and more people are treating the two as synonymous and it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Personally, I don’t.

But before I answer, I have to clarify something first, because a lot of people seem to think I invented the word “monosexism”: So, while this is incredibly flattering, the fact is I didn’t. This word has been in use in bisexual movements from the 1990s or even earlier. I’m willing to take credit for popularizing it on tumblr, though :p

Now to my answer:

I see biphobia as a particular aspect of monosexism, they are definitely not interchangeable. Monosexism, as I see it, refers to the structural privileging of monosexual identities and behaviours. So, monosexism refers, for example, to the belief that one can only be either straight or gay, that it is better to be monosexual than bisexual*, that only monosexual identities are “real”, that monosexual issues are the only ones deserving of attention, etc. Monosexism causes bisexual erasure (from media, literature, art, TV and film, etc.), it causes discrimination when it comes to activist priorities, budgeting, etc. It causes the social isolation that leads many bis to have poor health and mental health, and prevents proper treatment and support that might help alleviate them. It keeps bi* people “low” on the “pecking order” and creates all sorts of oppression. I see monosexism as the main factor responsible for all the horrible statistics in the Bisexual Invisibility report, for example. So, basically, monosexism is the system, the base structure. It is everything which isn’t directly aimed at bi* people but nonetheless has the effect of eradicating our existence or legitimacy.

I also have to say that monosexism is a structure that first and foremost comes from heterosexism and the patriarchy - 99.99999999% of it comes from heterosexual culture. So for me, monosexism is a term that allows us to look at all the ways that the “broader” culture creates oppression against bisexuals*. In addition, it allows us to consider monosexism as a structure that affects everyone instead of just bi people - for example, by limiting other people’s options.

Biphobia, on the other hand, is direct negative attitudes and treatment of bi people. It’s one specific result of monosexism. So here we can think about the many negative attitudes and behaviours specifically aimed against bis*. For example, when people refuse to date bisexuals*, when bis are represented in stereotypical ways in the media, when bi women become the target of sexual violence (because they’re perceived as particularly sexy sexual objects), when bi people are discriminated at their jobs because of their bisexuality (for example, because they’re perceived as unreliable, flaky, unable to handle responsibility or commit to their job), and, yes - when bi people are treated badly by L, G, and T communities.

I think it’s important to make that distinction, because these are two completely different levels of oppression working against bisexuals - and of course, I think that the room that biphobia occupies right now in bi political dialogues is unproportionate, and that we need to pay lots more attention to structural, heterosexual, monosexism.

[For a teeny bit more on that, here’s the snippet from my book where I define the two terms]

And I’m just gonna go ahead and make this rebloggable, because I think people might find that helpful :)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
the difemina tag is only for lesbians, you dumb bitch
bialogue-group bialogue-group Said:

I don’t know … maybe it’s just me … but sometimes I feel as if there is a wee bit of monosexism as well as biphobia in the mainstream Lesbian and Gay Communities as well as in the Straight Overculture.

and PS This was the Actual Point of the difemina tag when started at the beginning of July 2014


I think this is monosexism, y’all.

a tag which could be shared for all women who are attracted to other women, be they lesbians, bisexual, pan, etc - one that is shared and not already in use (e.g. #biphobia #sapphobia, #lesbophobia, etc). A tag for shared experiences which promotes solidarity and is open for all ladies interested in ladies (regardless of whether or not they have other attractions or are only interested in women.) this would absolutely be transwomen inclusive.

When targets of microaggressions attempt to point out the offensive nature of remarks and actions from perpetrators, they are told that their perceptions are inaccurate, that they are oversensitive, or that they are paranoid. In other words, they are out of touch with reality. The experiential realities of those in power are imposed upon less powerful groups by denying their perceptions and life experiences. Interestingly, some have asserted or found that those groups who are least empowered have the most accurate assessment of reality. Such a conclusion makes common sense, as those in power do not need to understand disempowered groups to survive or do well, while those without much power must actively discern the mindset and motives of those with power in order to survive. Women in the workforce must understand the thinking of their male counterparts to do well, but the reciprocal is not true for men.



bisexual? looking for positive, accurate representation in media? boy have i got some upsetting news for you

Actual bisexuals: “I’m bisexual.”
Bisexuality in the media = “I don’t like labels.”

Excellent point! Never noticed that before but you are spot on.

(1) Here’s why I HATE my school’s center for diversity and inclusion, which is ENTIRELY run by gay men, lesbians and their straight allies. First they held a seminar on identity for incoming freshman 'explaining' how if you are bisexual you are (probably faking it and introducing their ‘coming out’ group *hint* hint* hint*) cis and you only date cis people. And how B is for Binary and Binary is Bad.

(2) And then they told everybody about all these other wonderful 'identities' like pannie and polly and pomo that mean you are SO totes into all the 'different' new and exciting genders. And then when we want to have a bi table and presentation at the rainbow pride event at graduation they kind of laughed at us we could table with the open & questioning group BUT that we were Too Confused to be included becasue WE COULDN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT NAME TO CALL OURSELVES.

(3) And BTW the lesbian leadership and gay guys chat groups? They don’t talk about or deal with transgender and non-binary issues because 'obviously' gay men are men who love other men and lesbians are women who love other women so what does THAT have to do with the 'gender binary'?
Three-part (as labeled) Anonymous "Ask" to Midwest Bi* Activist (via midwestbiactivist)