Bialogue: Bisexual + Queer Politics

Bialogue is an activist/political social justice group working on issues of local, regional, national & international interest that effect the bisexual, non-monosexual, queer-identified and greater LGBTQ+ Community.
Bialogue: Social Justice Warriors and darn proud of it!
Our mission is to dispel myths and stereotypes, to address biphobia homophobia, transphobia and bisexual erasure, to educate the public on the facts and realities of bisexuality, non-monosexuals, queer-identified and all the other not 100% straight and not 100% gay/lesbian people who occupy the vast middle of the Kinsey scale's Bell Curve and to advocate for our Community's right to dignity, freedom to live without the burdens of prejudice and harassment and for our full equality under the law.

Find Bisexuals: in USA on planet earth
Chat with Bisexuals (in the USA)
Bisexual Men on facebook
Bisexual Women on facebook

Bisexual Conferences
   ○ 2012 Transcending Boundaries Conference October 26th-28th 2012 Springfield MA USA
   ○ 2013 Creating Change Conference (CC13) January 23-27 2013 Atlanta GA USA
   ○ BECAUSE 2013 2013 Minneapolis–Saint Paul MN USA
   ○ Bi Lines VI: A Celebration of Bisexual Writing in Reading Music & Culture June 2013 NYC USA
   ○ BiCon 2013 July 18-21 2013 University of Edinburgh Scotland

Bisexual Magazines & Bloggers
      Bi MagazineFacebookTumblr
      Bi MediaFacebook
      Bi Bloggers
      Bi radical (Bisexual-Theory/Queer-Theory) • Tumblr

Famous 'Must-read' Bisexual-Theory/Queer-Theory Articles/Essays
      Bisexuality FAQ
      Bisexuality does not reinforce the gender binary
      Words, binary and biphobia, or: why “bi” is binary but “FTM” is not
      Being Bisexual Means That You’re Only Attracted to Two Genders
      The monosexual privilege checklist
      Why I identify as bisexual + differences and similarities
      Way Beyond the Binary

Bisexuals = people who people of Same Gender as themselves + ♥ people of Different Genders/Gender Presentations from themselves

Posts I Like
Who I Follow
Posts tagged "monosexism"



  • Because everywhere else we are silenced
  • Because everywhere else we are erased
  • Because everywhere else requires us to narrow ourselves down, to hide and disappear
  • Because we can’t talk about ourselves fully, ever, anywhere
  • Because we can’t participate fully in any other space
  • Because any other space will accept us on condition that we don’t talk about our bisexuality or even mention it
  • Because everywhere else leaves us isolated
  • Because everywhere else we grow to believe that we, as people, are flawed, that there must be something wrong with us
  • Because we can never be part of straight cultures and communities
  • But when we come seeking refuge in queer and trans communities, we get our hearts broken by the very people we thought would understand
  • Because we are forever partial
  • Forever scavengers
  • Because so many of us are also trans, disabled, poc, women, working class people, sex workers… we straddle so many intersections and each one adds another circle of alienation, oppression

We need our spaces, and we need them to be intersectional, because

  • We need each other
  • We need the solidarity of our communities
  • We need the support, the validation and the love that only our communities can give to us
  • We need to alleviate that isolation, that loneliness
  • We need to talk about ourselves
  • And to each other
  • We can breathe fire into each other and fill our hearts with rainbows
  • Change society
  • Create revolutions


Because so many of us ARE ALSO trans, disabled, poc, women, working class people, sex workers… we straddle SO MANY INTERSECTIONS and each one adds another circle of alienation, oppression



Monosexism is the belief that attraction to one gender is superior or more valid than being attracted to multiple genders.

It’s important to understand that being a monosexual is not equivalent to being monosexist, the same way that being a heterosexual is not equivalent to being heterosexist. 

"Monosexism" does not lump all gay/lesbian and straight people together… just the shitty ones. 



In a speech today, HRC President Chad Griffin offered an apology on behalf of HRC for the times that the transgender community has been underrepresented or unrepresented by HRC—for the times HRC stood apart when we should have been standing together. Trans people are absolutely central to the struggle for LGBT equality, and as the nation’s largest LGBT civil rights organization, HRC has a responsibility to do that struggle justice.

Read more at: "Speaking at Southern Comfort 2014" September 5, 2014 by Chad Griffin, President HRC

HRC Always Says It Speaks For the Entire LGBT Community. So Why Is HRC Apologizing To the Trans Community?

Does HRC Behave Any Better Towards the Bisexual Community?

That’s truly depressing! Any good news?

  • Recently HRC has been contacted by BiNet USA and other Bisexual Groups and Activists. The problems listed above and more have been pointed out.

    As a result HRC is at least discussing doing things such as actually considering that bisexuals may exist, looking at what recognized bisexual groups and activists have historically said about how we define ourselves, and possibly consulting with reputable bisexual academics before issuing statements that impact the bisexual community. We’ll let you know if and how things develop.


  • Sexism - and the word “men” - groups together white men with men of color, cis men with trans men, abled men with disabled men, etc. It means that a a queer trans man of color can oppress a white cishet woman.
  • Heterosexism - and the word “heterosexual” - groups together cis men, cis women and trans/nonbinary people, white people and poc, abled and disabled people, etc. It means that heterosexual disabled working class women of color can oppress abled white middle class gay cis men.
  • Cissexism - and the word “cisgender” - groups together cis women with cis men, white people and poc, abled and disabled people, etc. It means a cisgender lesbian woman of color can oppress a white trans man. (You know? I bet this is an argument that radscums actually use.)
  • Ableism - Okay you get the point
  • Classism - Or so I hope
  • Ageism - Because this is ridiculous
  • Etc.

Why is this ridiculous?

  • Because this is not how intersectionality works
  • Each term represents one axis of oppression
  • No one term can take all axes into account
  • Nor should it, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to talk about the oppression of any specific group
  • No one axis of oppression trumps all others
  • To say that monosexism inherently and necessarily trumps all other axes is to derail the discussion
  • Is a black lesbian trans woman privileged over a white bisexual cis man? Of course not.
  • But that is not the question
  • The question is: is a black lesbian trans woman privileged over a black bisexual trans woman?
  • Take a look at some of our statistics, and then think about that.
  • Then take a look at how I, the person who wrote the monosexual privilege checklist, wrote, time after time, about how the list is meant to draw attention to straight people and away from gay and lesbian people.
  • Then take a look at my book, which includes the list, and is about intersectional bisexual politics, with chapters about how monosexism works at intersections between bisexuality and women (including trans women), men (including trans men), trans and nonbinary people, and people of color.
  • And was written by a bisexual genderqueer disabled person/woman of color.
  • FFS
  • Then after you acknowledge all that, maybe we can start having a discussion.

[Note: I trust tumblr will ignore this post much like any other that I make about monosexism and monosexual privilege because I guess I’m making too much sense? But - just in case it gets around, know that I may not be following up, as per low spoons. Hate to my ask box will be deleted.]


Most of the posts I put on this blog are encouraging because that’s how I prefer to deal with bisexual erasure, violence, etc. It’s better to focus on the ways to solve issues in a positive manner than dwelling on the negative. But sometimes you have experiences that just leave you seething.

I attended a dinner tonight that was business oriented for a new colleague’s birthday. All those in attendance were self-identified gay men, excluding myself. Five minutes into the dinner, the conversation turns into a discussion of how bisexuality doesn’t exist and that a mutual friend, who was not in attendance, was dating a girl. Comments turned into, “It’s almost sad” because he’s “obviously gay and it’s not going to work but we’ll sit and watch. Poor thing must be so confused. But hey…he’ll figure it out.”

The issue at hand was that all of the (mostly older) gay men in attendance had only known this mutual acquaintance to date other men. However, over the summer he had starting dating another friend who happened to be a woman and he was very excited to start this new relationship.

To question a colleague’s sexuality, especially when they’re not in attendance, is just unacceptable. As this discussion progressed, the same old tired comments about bisexuality came out. “The only bi men I know say that they’re bi but they all lean one way or the other” or “Well…honey….he should just admit it. He’s gay. It’ll be easier.”

My own sexuality was not up for discussion here directly, but it was the same. fucking. erasure. that happens daily for bisexual men. I was so mad that I turned visibly red.

At this point I said something to those at the dinner about how I have a dear, unnamed friend, who is married and loves, LOVES sleeping with his wife but also is allowed to sleep with men and enjoys both thoroughly. This comment got brushed off with someone saying “Oh that’s like my friend _____. He’s gay but he’s married to a woman so they have an open marriage where they both sleep with men on the side,” which completely missed my point and basically suggested my friend had a sham marriage.

How can people in the gay community, especially older members of the gay community, be so ignorant, and frankly asshole-ish about sexualities other than gay or lesbian? When this cohort of gay men were younger being gay was still listed in the DSM-II of Mental Illnesses. You’d think that a group who experienced Stonewall and the first wave of the gay rights movement firsthand would be more open.

And the way that they talked about women. And it’s not just this particular group. We often hear about how straight men are misogynistic. But little discussion, until the past couple years, has occurred talking about how it’s just as bad if not worse among the older gay male cohort. The shit I have heard some gay men (and often older gay men) talk about how “Women are just…ew. Like…don’t they smell and…just ew” and joke after joke suggesting men are obviously superior to women because we have cocks and pronounced pecs and muscle-y thighs, etc. How the fuck do you think you’re around? Those vaginas you find so revolting were somehow involved in you being in existence. And those “floppy boobs” are evolutionarily designed. It’s because of them that you could have the proper nutrition to have the cognitive ability to even have this conversation.

This is not to say you have to like women. You can even be repulsed by their genitalia. But to speak and talk about women as if they’re a different species and portray their own sexual beings as something hideous that should be hidden is simply…misogynistic and a throwback to the 1950s.

But I think the part that angered me the most was that a personal friend of mine was at the table and said nothing. This friend didn’t exactly agree with the comments being made but he also didn’t say anything. He didn’t defend the fact that the man he himself is in love with (also not in attendance) is bisexual. Nor did he do anything to account that his own friend sitting next to him, me, is bisexual and obviously very uncomfortable with the way the discussion was headed. Granted, in a setting such as this it would have put him at odds with his superiors but yet I was in the same position as he was hierarchically-speaking and decided to speak up for myself.

I do not mean this rant to blanket the entire older gay community. Some of my closest allies are gay men that are in the very same age bracket as these men and they have been some of the most supportive and amazing people I have ever met. But it still remains that a large portion continue to perpetuate stereotypes about bisexual men, trans* people, and women that are ridiculous. And in 2014. It is just unacceptable.

So please, followers. Send me some love AND responses. I want to hear your thoughts, even if you think my rant is totally base-less. I want to know what you think.

So let’s see if I understand this.

Basically everyone in the Queer Community can, has and does use the terms “Butch” and "Femme" EXCEPT that bisexual women are not supposed to use the terms because That would be "appropriative of Lesbian Culture"?

(via imfromdriftwood)

  • when I first started this blog: teehee I blog about cute bi stuff hehehe I'm 14 and I like kittens and yayyy bi pride
  • me now: *punches wall* you come into MY HOUSE??!? insult my SEXUALITY!!/!??! MY GENDER??!// bitch it's bout to get real bi pride y'all all up in yo face
This probably sounds stupid, but what does bihet mean? I identify as bisexual, but I've never had it used about me..?
bialogue-group bialogue-group Said:


There are no bad questions! :)

"bihet" is a term typically used to describe bi women. It’s passed off by the people who use it as meaning "bi women who are in straight relationships," however, it’s used as a slur that implies bi women aren’t actually bi, derogatorily referring to bi women as straight and using it as a way to silence our voices.

It’s more often used by lesbian separatist radical feminists, which is why you likely haven’t had it used against you, since you probably don’t know very many in your day-to-day life. I’ve only ever seen it used on the internet.

The institution of heterosexism is based on a mutually exclusive heterosexual/homosexual framework. This heterosexist paradigm posits two sexual orientations on either side of a "fence" that draws the line where privilege begins and ends. Heterosexuals are on the "normal/good" side and homosexuals are on the "abnormal/evil" side. The line separates and protects "us" from "them," while it assures members of each side of what they are not. This line also effectively marginalizes lesbians and gay men as "other" and is the core of homophobia.

Furthermore, lesbian, gay, and heterosexual people are invested, and find a sense of security in being the "other" to each other, and unite in the fact that they are only attracted to either the "same" or the "opposite" gender/sex.

This sets up another "us" vs. "them" dynamic which effectively marginalizes bisexual people as "other." Integral to this dynamic is the automatic assumption people can be defined by the gender/sex of their current or potential romantic interest. For example: two women are assumed to be lesbians in a "lesbian" relationship; two men are assumed to be gay in a "gay" relationship; and a man and woman are assumed to be heterosexual in a "heterosexual" relationship.

However, any, or all of these people could be bisexual. And depending upon monogamy and non-monogamy agreements and choices, any, or all of these folks could have sexual behavior with more than one gender/sex whether they identify as bisexual or not.
What is Heterosexism? from What Does Biphobia Look Like? pub 2014 by LGBT Resource Center UC San Diego