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The Monosexual Privilege Checklist

bidyke:

radtransfem:

I can’t believe I haven’t posted this yet. Click the link above to read it.

Tumblr, I know you like to raise certain objections when you read this list. I think many of them are unfortunate and miss the point. Of course, my followers are excellent and won’t make any of those mistakes, but just in case, here are some things to think about before responding:

  • Don’t say that monosexism doesn’t exist. In fact, why not read about a report which points out that, however oppressed a monosexual is, add “bisexuality” and they get to be oppressed more! Yey!

  • Don’t say that, because you as a monosexual don’t get a particular privilege or set of privileges, that those privileges aren’t linked to monosexuality. This is a list of privileges that, for some person or group of monosexuals, would generally go away if they had otherwise identical characteristics but were bisexual instead. No one monosexual has all of them.

  • Don’t say that, because some bisexuals may be able to sometimes access some of these privileges, that these privileges aren’t linked to monosexuality. This is a list more about general trends than an analytic proof which inevitably describes the condition of every individual. If you want to think about individuals (which I’d suggest is missing the point), instead consider whether an individual’s access to that privilege exists in any tension to their bisexuality, is based in any way on how others see their bisexuality, or in how they express their bisexuality.

  • Do remember that, in general, the less other privileges you have, the less likely you are to have a privilege on this list. Likewise, the more other privileges you have, the more likely you are to have access to these.

  • Don’t say “these are just straight privileges”. It shows that you haven’t read the checklist and the notes.

  • Do actually read the notes around the checklist and the discussions in the comments. Chances are they have covered any objections you might have.

All that said, I’m broadly monosexual, so while what I’m trying to do here is to stop other monosexual people messing up, I’m not immune to messing up myself. If any bi people working from within a similar framework to bidyke want to correct me on the above points, just say the word and it’s edited.

All that said: here’s the checklist!

<3 This is the one of the best commentaries I received on this post, ever ^_^

for those who have not read it yet (and REMEMBER to Read the Notes & Clarifications so you don’t end up make yourself look foolish in the comments)

So lemme get this straight, you’re in the monosexism and biphobia tags...

bidyke:

timelordtimeshare:

So lemme get this straight, you’re in the monosexism and biphobia tags saying that monosexism doesn’t exist and is homophobic and biphobia isn’t a big deal etc, and your big defense is: you’re bisexual… 

 Well, I’m bisexual too jackass and I’m of the opposite opinion, do we cancel each other out or what? 

Or are you just privilegeing your thoughts, analysis and experiences over everyone else’s because you’re one of the “good bisexuals” and not one of those mean old bi tumblr social justice warriors that rock the boat with statistics and critical thinking?

Literally the worst argument ever, try again, or don’t.

I think the bisexual biphobes phenomenon is disturbing, but also makes sense.

First - people who have only heard about the monosexual privilege checklist second hand, or who have read it without reading the disclaimers and clarifications around it - don’t actually know what it’s about.

I think that most people who have heard about it, heard about it on this level. Especially on tumblr, where like +90% is read-a-single-post-and-reblog. These people have no real reason to assume that the list is about anything other than gay and lesbian people, because biphobia is widely considered as an inner-community type of “inconvenience”. Very few people actually know about the terrible statistics and more structural forms of oppression working against bi people.

When people think about biphobia, they think “Oh, it’s the stereotypes/nasty attitudes we get from gays and lesbians”. Without a framework to think about this concept, people will fall to whatever they do know. They have no way of knowing that the list means something else completely.

Second - bi people have an interest in being on gays and lesbians’ “good side”. They do, in fact, get cookies for it. Their opinions are validated and supported by gay and lesbian people and communities, they are well received, and allow them to get ally cookies. Stepping down on bisexuals as a group is one of the quickest ways to get validation and support in gay and lesbian contexts, whether liberal or radical. It does and will get you points. So there’s the benefit in that - I think it’s a survival technique which allows some bi people to step into gay and lesbian communities on the backs of all bi people and communities.

Symptom of something that has been observed to happen all the time to many different groups who are under the thumb of a higher-status group, think popular tropes about Bitchy Female Bosses i.e. in “Working Girl”, “The Devil Wears Prada”, et. al. And this can happen even if the person/group themselves are Also Put-Upon, (see Julie Bindel for example). As has frequently been observed, “being a member of a despised minority group has not yet been shown to make anyone into a saint”.

bidyke: gohomebiphobia: bidyke: [Image: Heart shape in floral pattern overlaid with bi flag colors. Text inside the heart: “heterosexuality is a lie”] &lt;3 For more about the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, click here. So I started off wanting to say something about how uncomfortable this graphic makes me. Because my first reaction really was, oh, icky, this is wrong. But as I wrote my response, I started to realize the whole point of this post. I do think that compulsory heterosexuality is a thing. A great way to look at it is that little kids are encouraged to explore their emotional connections and attractions, completely on the lines of heterosexuality, man/woman attraction. We don’t encourage kids to explore other attractions to other genders. When a little girl says she wants to marry her best friend who is a girl, we laugh and go “Oh isn’t she adorable? So silly! Marriage is for a mommy and a daddy, not two girls!” and it’s a hot mess. To a degree, heterosexuality is certainly a lie. The idea that heterosexuality is the default is certainly a lie, and it’s pressed upon all of us. The concept that tab A goes into slot B and that’s the way it is, no ifs, ands, or buts, is certainly a lie. This graphic made me so uncomfortable, though, because of its literal statement heterosexuality is a lie. But the whole point is to MAKE people uncomfortable, and to make them think. Do you view queer people as sexual deviants? Do you view us as being estranged from the norm? Do you refer to us as “gay/lesbian/bisexual people” but refer to straight people as merely “people”? Think about it. Also, it slaps the straight people into the shoes of us, as bisexual people, and tells them that their sexuality is a lie. And look how angry they’re all getting. So yeah. This graphic is really cool, because there’s a whole shit ton of meaning in four words and a heart. Well done Shiri! Thanks you! Did You Know? Heterosexuality is celebrated – in film and television, in pop songs and opera, in literature and on greeting cards – and at the same time it is taken for granted. It is the cultural and sexual norm by default. And yet in pre-modern Europe heterosexuality was perceived as an alternative culture. A great deal of the reason for this were the differences in the status and place of men in women in society. The practice of heterosexuality may have been standard, but the symbolic primacy of the heterosexual couple was not.As explained by Professor Louis-Georges Tin, in his Lammie nominated book &#8220;The invention of heterosexual culture&#8221;, there is certainly far less scholarship exploring heterosexuality than the pantheon of queer sexuality that is taken to be the ‘other’. But actually it is better to understand heterosexuality as a ‘blind spot’ which being ‘assumed to be ever-present as a matter of course and has escaped analysis as if transparent to itself’.
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bidyke:

gohomebiphobia:

bidyke:

[Image: Heart shape in floral pattern overlaid with bi flag colors. Text inside the heart: “heterosexuality is a lie”]

<3

For more about the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, click here.

So I started off wanting to say something about how uncomfortable this graphic makes me. Because my first reaction really was, oh, icky, this is wrong.

But as I wrote my response, I started to realize the whole point of this post.

I do think that compulsory heterosexuality is a thing. A great way to look at it is that little kids are encouraged to explore their emotional connections and attractions, completely on the lines of heterosexuality, man/woman attraction. We don’t encourage kids to explore other attractions to other genders. When a little girl says she wants to marry her best friend who is a girl, we laugh and go “Oh isn’t she adorable? So silly! Marriage is for a mommy and a daddy, not two girls!” and it’s a hot mess.

To a degree, heterosexuality is certainly a lie. The idea that heterosexuality is the default is certainly a lie, and it’s pressed upon all of us. The concept that tab A goes into slot B and that’s the way it is, no ifs, ands, or buts, is certainly a lie.

This graphic made me so uncomfortable, though, because of its literal statement heterosexuality is a lie. But the whole point is to MAKE people uncomfortable, and to make them think.

Do you view queer people as sexual deviants? Do you view us as being estranged from the norm? Do you refer to us as “gay/lesbian/bisexual people” but refer to straight people as merely “people”?

Think about it.

Also, it slaps the straight people into the shoes of us, as bisexual people, and tells them that their sexuality is a lie. And look how angry they’re all getting.

So yeah.

This graphic is really cool, because there’s a whole shit ton of meaning in four words and a heart.

Well done Shiri!

Thanks you!

Did You Know? Heterosexuality is celebrated – in film and television, in pop songs and opera, in literature and on greeting cards – and at the same time it is taken for granted. It is the cultural and sexual norm by default. And yet in pre-modern Europe heterosexuality was perceived as an alternative culture. A great deal of the reason for this were the differences in the status and place of men in women in society. The practice of heterosexuality may have been standard, but the symbolic primacy of the heterosexual couple was not.

As explained by Professor Louis-Georges Tin, in his Lammie nominated book “The invention of heterosexual culture”, there is certainly far less scholarship exploring heterosexuality than the pantheon of queer sexuality that is taken to be the ‘other’. But actually it is better to understand heterosexuality as a ‘blind spot’ which being ‘assumed to be ever-present as a matter of course and has escaped analysis as if transparent to itself’.

Bisexuality, sin, and self-destruction. (TW: Suicide)

mswriteypants:

image

For more information, see: Snippet #4: The bisexual invisibility report

Why is it that over 40% of bisexual people have considered suicide?  The answer is a complex one,  and I do not intend to speak for all bisexuals when I tell you a little of my own story.  I can speak to a few of the reasons that will resonate with folks who have been raised in a religiously conservative, fundamentalist household.  My parents are die-hard Wesleyans (a conservative branch of Methodists) and as such are fairly typical conservative evangelicals.

From the time I was old enough to read and write, my parents taught me that I am responsible for my “sinful” behavior and that this behavior is part of a hierarchy of sins.  In the Wesleyan church and in many other conservative evangelical denominations, my sins are ranked according to degree of depravity.  What is the most depraved of all sins?  That honor goes to homosexuality.  Running a close second and third are abortion and pre-marital sex.  If you engage in any of the triumvirate of those heinous sins, most likely you will be disowned, threatened, condemned, and/or assaulted.  Abortion and pre-marital sex are sins that you can repent a little more easily.  Once you are “forgiven” for them, you can move on with your goodChristian life, most likely with no tangible scarlet A to mark you as a baby-killing adulteress for life.  Homosexuality, on the other hand, is not so easily hidden away.  Vast amounts of resources are dedicated to eradicating this most depraved sin as evidenced by the existence of organizations like Exodus International and their ilk.  If you engage in homosexual behavior, the stain of it will always be with you in some way, so you see those who have undergone some form of reparative therapy constantly having to pronounce themselves free of sin.  They are never allowed to forget, by the evangelical Christian community, just how degenerate they once were - just one depraved thought away from falling back into sin.

This is the environment of fear within which I was raised.  If I slipped and did something sinful, it was much better to indulge in something trivial, such as lying; vanity; swearing; or disobeying my parents, for instance.  All of those lesser sins are quite easily forgiven and forgotten.  I remember thinking each day that I must keep a close tally on all of my sins to be certain I asked for forgiveness for each one.  When I was a young child, I never wanted to risk going to hell for one of those little sins.  As far as homosexuality was concerned, I hardly knew of its existence until I was an adolescent.  How could one know anything about it, if sex was never discussed?  Homosexuality was a dark, mysterious, unfathomable, and loathsome sin.

Enter my “depraved” desires, and you have a recipe for disaster in the form of depression.  For the most part, I kept my desires to myself – denying, even to myself, that I ever thought about such things.  It wasn’t until years later, when I was out of my parent’s household and on my own, that I allowed myself to think outside the box of heterosexual desire.  I certainly, at that time, had no name for my desires other than “sin,” “depravity,” “unnatural.”  When I finally realized that my desires were not going away, no matter how I tried to hide them, and when I finally became okay with that, it was a welcome time of self-discovery.  But my journey out of the closet had just begun. 

You see, bisexuals often have an unfathomably deep closet to make their way out of.  I’ve been told my entire life, that I am responsible for my behavior and that it is my fault should I chose to indulge in sin.  When I moved beyond that rubric, I was able to accept the commonly held belief by the LG community, that I was “born this way” and there is nothing I can do about it.  Happiness, acceptance, and joy suddenly entered my life, right?  Wrong.  If anything, once I began to understand the complexity of my desires, assuming a strictly biological imperative that determined my bisexuality was simultaneously liberating and problematic for me.  If I was “born this way” then didn’t I need to prove I was by choosing partners who would demonstrate to the LG community and to the world that I was truly bisexual?  Didn’t I need to provide details of my romantic and sexual history so the LG community could scrutinize it and let me know if I measured up?  Otherwise I could easily be shoved back in the closet or welcomed into the lesbian community, if I wasn’t bisexual enough.  After all, it would be so much easier to admit I was one or the other, wouldn’t it?  Once again, I was trying desperately to fit into someone else’s definition of who I am.  At first, I was never a good enough Christian and now I was convinced I would never be a good enough bisexual.  Who would want to live like that?  I certainly did not. 

Depression and thoughts of suicide crept back in again.  I wasn’t good enough for the straight community; worse yet, I felt I wasn’t good enough for the LG community. Depression is, perhaps oddly, a comfortable place for me because I escape by sleeping too much and eating too little and feeling next to nothing.  It’s an almost-dead or not-really-alive state for me.  The further I fall into it, the closer to death I get and the closer I get to an escape from the torment of life.  After coming out as bisexual and finding virtually no community, death would have allowed escape from the torment of being questioned and silenced by those who I thought would be allies.  And where was the bisexual community when I needed it?  That’s a good question, isn’t it?  If you are wondering about that, take a look again at the statistics on suicide.  Over 40% of us have considered suicide.  How can we form a stable community when we are struggling just to live in this world?

Does my story make you uncomfortable?  It should.  Are you looking for a happy ending?  It’s not there, and it’s a story that is shared by many other bisexuals like me.  There are other reasons the rates of suicide are so high in the bisexual community.  There are more stories that need to be told – more voices that need to be heard.  This statistic is shocking, but seeing it is only a first step.  Now we need to find and explore root causes and address them. Otherwise we will keep losing people who self-destruct, rather than survive as a community that is rejected, belittled, and ultimately silenced by the more powerful and vocal monosexual communities.

TV historian faces fresh accusations of homophobia against bisexual economist

fucknobiphobia:

modernbisexual:

A Harvard professor, broadcaster and Financial Times columnist who apologised last week for making homophobic comments about a famed bisexual economist, is facing claims that he has a history of making similar comments.

Biphobia.

You know what else? I kept hearing him referred to as a “gay economist.” Blargh.

For those unaware of who they are talking about, it’s

Niall Ferguson [Ed Note: the biphobe *boo hiss*] speaking at the Tenth Annual Altegris Conference in Carlsbad, said that John Maynard Keynes [Ed Note: our pretty open given the times bi guy *yay!*] was an “effete” member of society and that he took a selfish world view, and did not care about future generations, because of his sexuality [Ed Note: that would be bisexual *yay*] and lack of children [Ed Note: oh really? like say Jesus, Saint Francis, Mother Theresa, yadda, yadda, yadda … plus dude his wife miscarried - it was a personal tragedy for them both!].

if you ridicule teenage girls when they say they are bisexual

bisexual-community:

afabercastiel:

if you ridicule teenage girls when they say they are bisexual, even if you think they’re doing it “for attention”

  • don’t
  • seriously
  • don’t do that
  • fuck you if you do

Remember! Almost ALL people who SAY they are Bisexual do so because they ARE Bisexual.

Yes there are a (very) few people who are a little confused when coming out of the closet, and really are lesbian or gay. Yes there are (very, very, very … like approaching zero to none) few who pretend to not be straight becasue it seems to them that all the “cool kids” who seem to more sure of themselves and their sexuality and in having a built in peer support group in their GSA and Safe Spaces are bisexual or some other flavor of Queer.

So Don’t Be that person who teases, torments, redefines, lectures and bullies bisexual kids to the point that they go back into the closet and pretend to be Straight or pretend to be Gay or Lesbian to shut you up.

Every Bisexual Group Everywhere has to deal with the So Many Adults showing up on the verge of a nervous breakdown having been forced to live a lie for 10 or 20 or 30 or more years. These are the people who Tried To Come Out when they were teens and got So Much Shit from Gay/Lesbian and Straight peers (and adults) that they pretended it was just a drunken experiment/mistake; they pretended they were “just trying to ‘turn on’ their boyfriend”; they pretended they were lesbian or gay and ‘just confused’…

But Surprise (!) they weren’t actually really doing any of those things. They were just bisexual. But since no one believed them and no one supported them they were driven back into the closet and had unhappy lives — for years!!!

This!

So you know how bisexuals are just privileged posers and how biphobia doesn't really exist and how silly vapid bisexual people just need to stop complaining about being called sluts?

bisexual-community:

umm yeah! So just maybe you all who say that/think that should just read this instead —

Drown Them in a Sea of Noise Part 1: Bisexuality, and My Rape

It was around the end of summer 2007 going into fall. I had moved out on my own at college and for the first time in my life I was able to explore my gender, my thoughts about my sexuality, everything…

I started hanging out with new friends going out drinking . Being 22. The statistics show that most people who are raped know their attacker. I knew mine. We had hung out several times before. He and I had tons of mutual friends. He joked that my boyish gender presentation would turn off my boyfriend. I joked ”but my girl friend she loved it”. After years of hiding away the truth… I started to talk about my bisexuality.

We live in a culture where being bisexual signals sexual availability … We are not seen as intimidating as lesbians or as prudish as straight women…

… [CLIP TW] …

… I’ve seen many posts about how bisexuals have it so easy, how biphobia is relatively harmless, “sticks and stones but words will never hurt” type things. How we shouldn’t complain when media portrays bisexuals as easy or confused or a million other wrong things. That ”hot sexy Bi babes!” Can never create things as bad as what we say they do.

We live in a world where bisexuality is seen as a performance for men. Where everything a woman does is a performance for men. With the expectation of Bi women being ”more open” and more fun (read sexually available) added on top of that is it any wonder that studies have found out this?

image

Half of all of us. But until now nobody spoke about it. Not the women’s shelter I went to for counseling and testing. Not the LGBTA (A for “ally” here) Center at my university. No one. We are so often invisible and so so many of us suffer in silence … I had heard and seen what the queer community at large thought of bisexuals. Not queer enough, privilege grubbers . .

So I didn’t talk about it … 

We need to talk about this. About WHY that stat is so high. And we need to be LOUD. So loud that our voices drown out the cries of “sit down!” Of ” stop being so angry!” Of ” wait till marriage equality passes!” We need to shriek and howl over them so that those out their in the darkness can hear us and know they are not alone and to warn those that would harm us that it will not be tolerated …

Click HERE to read full article TW: 4 you know RAPE! and also misogyny and biphobia and all that bad stuff.

bipaganman: Every line of this is full of ignorance and arrogance.  First all Bi activists talk about a lot of things other than the idea that we are slutty or confused.  I know I checked my blog and at least in the past month I haven’t posted anything about it.  If that’s all you hear from us then that’s because you are one of those who keeps calling us confused sluts. I really hate the argument of “there are worse problems”, under that argument we shouldn’t be working for marriage equality because there are countries that still have laws against being gay, there are states that it’s legal to fire someone because of their sexual orientation, not to mention people trying to ban Trans* people from using public bathrooms.  Just because there are greater problems doesn’t mean we should accept the other problems.  And of course this bit is also very hypocritical, there are bigger issues for the LGBTQ community than your disliking what bi/pan people talk about, so I guess you should shut up by your own logic. And finally, some how the sort of relationship we might end up in a a privilege?  how does that make any sense at all.  Also, when we do discuss more serious oppressions we get told that we are trying to make an issue just about bisexuals, so follow your own advice and find something actually important to talk about! P.S. I’d just like to remind people that’s actually nothing wrong with being either slutty or confused.
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bipaganman:

Every line of this is full of ignorance and arrogance.  First all Bi activists talk about a lot of things other than the idea that we are slutty or confused.  I know I checked my blog and at least in the past month I haven’t posted anything about it. 

If that’s all you hear from us then that’s because you are one of those who keeps calling us confused sluts.

I really hate the argument of “there are worse problems”, under that argument we shouldn’t be working for marriage equality because there are countries that still have laws against being gay, there are states that it’s legal to fire someone because of their sexual orientation, not to mention people trying to ban Trans* people from using public bathrooms.  Just because there are greater problems doesn’t mean we should accept the other problems. 

And of course this bit is also very hypocritical, there are bigger issues for the LGBTQ community than your disliking what bi/pan people talk about, so I guess you should shut up by your own logic.

And finally, some how the sort of relationship we might end up in a a privilege?  how does that make any sense at all. 

Also, when we do discuss more serious oppressions we get told that we are trying to make an issue just about bisexuals, so follow your own advice and find something actually important to talk about!

P.S. I’d just like to remind people that’s actually nothing wrong with being either slutty or confused.

(Source: queersecrets)

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